Is it society at fault, or is it us?

​There is a lot of talk all over social media about the way that we look. Some of it how to better ourselves, some of it all about self acceptance and love, revealing our "flaws" at every opportunity.

I've certainly been both over these past few months where I've greatly altered the way that I live my own life, but I wonder if we are somehow missing the point. Does it really matter what anyone else thinks? When quite often us as women, are our own worst enemies.

Below you can see how hard I have worked, and when I posted this I did hope to inspire others and I was proud of how far I had come. Truth is the second image is taken at a flattering angle, in swimwear that I couldn't wear in real life. It's not real. 

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​​This is real life.

​My husband took this photo (below) of my daughter and I last summer, and I've always hated it. It shows a special moment as we walk out into the crystal clear waters of Rakino Island. It's a memory I want to keep forever, yet I've hidden it away because of what? Society thinking I'm too big to be in a swimsuit? Not really. To be honest there are very little fucks I give about societal norms and it's levels of acceptance, so then why? Why do I hide this image like a deep dark secret?

When I sat and truly thought about why, I had to be honest.

It's me.

I am my worst critic. I am the one who cannot live up to my own expectations. 

​​I didn't have positive role models growing up, my mother always complained about how "fat" she was. By the time I was 15 I was bulimic. I was always called the "chubby" one by boys as a teen. I was a size 12 and I had boobs, and grew up in the 90's when Heroin Chic was everything. 

I let society shape me, my inner most thoughts of how my value was counted by the way that I looked. 

As I grew older and more self assured those thoughts stayed with me, so even though I may no longer care what society thinks of me, the damage is done. Now it's all about learning how to change my mindset so I can set a proper example to my girls as they grow.
 
So I guess to answer my own question, it's both. We are all at fault, and it's up to us to take responsibility in changing that.

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Are you also your own worst enemy?